THREE YEARS I have felt like a broken version of myself. Three years, I have been medicated for depression. I'm grateful that I was finally able to get help.
Since April of 2008 I have seen two therapists for personal stuff and a marriage counselor. Previous to April of 2008 I had met and tried to form relationships with several others.
It's often said by those who have found their "therapist match"...."you have to try on a bunch before you find a fit". I knew it must be true, why would 'everyone' say that if it weren't. Yet 'Trying on Therapists' was a hobby I found daunting and utterly exhausting. It sucked. I hated having to do the 'this is me' thing over and over. I became so I didn't even try to explain it all. There was just too much shit. Pushing down emotions and feelings I had gotten real good at....until that is I ran out of room. And I was always running out of room. Anger and depression ruled my life. I felt selfish and uncaring to the people I was supposed to love unconditionally. Side note....therapy doesn't work if you're not being honest with your therapist. Oh and also when you feel like you just might be smarter than the person trying to help you, that's a problem.
At any rate, back in April I decided to go back to my little game of Trying on Therapists. This time was not unlike other efforts. I always ask around...get some names and then see if they're in my network. Oh yeah...the network BS of mental health...try finding your Therapist Match and discovering they're out of network. Talk about devestating.
So now here I am with a new Therapist. I've been seeing her since April. That's a Therapist LTR for me! Here it is. She's my match. No bullshit. No lies. No hiding the ugly stuff. I've laid it all out there, all the stuff that makes me not proud, the stuff that makes me wish sometimes I was someone else. She doesn't shame me and she doesn't coddle me. For once in a long ass time I feel like I'm making headway. Like I have the chance to be mostly happy, instead of mostly sad.
So the next time someone says you "just haven't found your match yet"....believe them. They're right.
